Mint is bougie kudzu.

I threw mint in my evil neighbor’s yard.

My great grandmother once planted mint,
        and my ancestry results came back saying I’m 25% mint.

Mint is more invasive than my 3 a.m. thoughts.
I planted mint, and now all food tastes of mint 
        and I can’t tolerate coffee.
I’m just a tangle of vines wearing clothes.

Mint ate my ex-husband.
It stole my bike.
It killed my dog
        then my kids emancipated themselves.
I still had my mint though.

It rented out my spare bedroom.
I evicted it and it snuck in my basement.
        Now it’s blasting Nickleback through the floor.

Mint committed tax fraud in my name
        and ruined my credit score.
Mint foreclosed on my house,
        and I woke up on a raft in the ocean.