-“The more you suffer/
   the more it shows you really care.”
                               The Offspring, “Self-Esteem’

My pinewood derby racer was
more perfect the more you sanded it.

Why wasn’t I?
I was scum

I was trash.
I was nothing.

Abuse torn from mouths 
that often professed love.

I would try to save moods,
to match the dance of their

disposition.  But I was
always positioned wrong,

awkward poise and no words.
Why wasn’t I

better than all the best men?
Why wasn’t I perfect?

I saw the grin open to too many teeth,
ready to take a bite,

and even now, my partner
has to reassure me that things

can be messy and still work right,
that these buried feelings prove

I want the best for those I care about.

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