Self-Esteem
-“The more you suffer/
the more it shows you really care.”
The Offspring, “Self-Esteem’
My pinewood derby racer was
more perfect the more you sanded it.
Why wasn’t I?
I was scum
I was trash.
I was nothing.
Abuse torn from mouths
that often professed love.
I would try to save moods,
to match the dance of their
disposition. But I was
always positioned wrong,
awkward poise and no words.
Why wasn’t I
better than all the best men?
Why wasn’t I perfect?
I saw the grin open to too many teeth,
ready to take a bite,
and even now, my partner
has to reassure me that things
can be messy and still work right,
that these buried feelings prove
I want the best for those I care about.
4 thoughts on "Self-Esteem"
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lovely, honest poem
You conveyed those feelings so eloquently, simple and powerful.
“My pinewood derby racer was / more perfect the more you sanded it. // Why wasn’t I?”
Geoff, what a perfect way to begin this piece. Wow. I really relate to the feelings you convey here. Thank you for your vulnerablility.
The comparative nature of your pinewood derby racer to yourself if powerful, as you as the critical question “why wasn’t I?” It sets the stage for a journey no child should have to take, yet you see yourself as the peacemaker, trying to change the narrative. I love that you grew beyond that narrative, “I want the best for those I care about.”