seven river haiku and tanka
night, deep in silence.
noises receding behind.
the black river flows!
my boat, a black sail,
cutting moon water in half.
she shines distantly!
the duck dips for fish,
an idyllic ripple spreads.
wriggling at the end!
so speechless, quite still
the ohio flows on past,
past all memory…
a tree now, not i
tells the passing of time, and
how it babbles on!
the waves sliced still by
finger branches, leaves sailing
and i know not why!
though i see them sail,
with friendly winds prevailing
i do not know why!
waltzing with the wind
we kicked up ripples and waves
and then we stopped, yes
we stopped as children do, to
watch the sad rain do better.
10 thoughts on "seven river haiku and tanka"
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This is really beautiful. I like making the river a recurring thread and the tanka at the end gives an extra flourish and conclusion. I especially love
the duck dips for fish,
an idyllic ripple spreads.
wriggling at the end!
🙂 thank you Linda. btw, that’s my favorite haiku in the piece!
Yeah…..the wriggling at the end is just a great line. Nails it.
btw Linda you inspired me the other day to write haibun. I have something in the works. I think I broke a “rule” by sticking two companion haiku at the end (also one in between the prose sections), but it works as a piece. I loved yours. Hope I haven’t butchered the form!
wriggling is fun, yes. now, is the water wriggling? the fish? or the duck? or all three?
Manny, I don’t think you have to be doctrinaire about the haibun form. I’ve seen people get creative with it and just use the form “in spirit.” Americans especially do this. I try to keep close to the 5-7-5 syllable count for the haiku but I sometimes miss it. The only real rule I use it that the narrative/prose part tells the story — usually of a journey either inner or outer – and the haiku doesn’t repeat what’s in the narrative but adds to it.
thank you for the insight, very helpful
I, too, love best:
the duck dips for fish,
an idyllic ripple spreads.
wriggling at the end!
I loved your piece of cardinal today 🙂
I think the exclamation points (and the rest of it but they particularly struck me, then the lack thereof) are great
Thank you Jane…
🙂