spent
Spent my last dollar on last night’s conversation.
Cost me far more than that buck to stand before you soul-baring
feeling naked despite many layers
asking you to see me
see me
spent
You stood arms crossed
cross
averting my gaze
backing away in form and function,
listening but not yet hearing,
bracing for the attacks you remember
the ways the loves before me turned meadows into battlefields
But I bring no sword, just a dollar’s worth of hope.
Staunched with patience, unafraid,
didn’t even cry despite my empty pockets
didn’t strangle my own reality to let yours live broken,
calmly explained how I love you and I’ll die on this hill
of trying to convince you to let me in, to let joy in,
that hating yourself doesn’t make you a better man.
Owning my imperfections
while staunching my wounds
because you don’t see them
see them
Spent my last dollar on this bet
that it’s not too late,
money where my mouth is
I still believe in us.
19 thoughts on "spent"
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Beautiful, Leah. I love –
Asking you to see me
see me
spent
Yes. This!
Thank you 💛
Oh Leah… You so well describe scenario(s) and type of pain/hurt that I recognize very well.
This line: “backing away in form and function”
What an image I am given. In form AND function. WHEW.
As well as simply begging to be seen, without begging…
These words, also brilliantly painful:
“while staunching my wounds
because you don’t see them
see them ”
And the simple separate of lines, goes from noticing to asking to be seen.
So beautiful.
Thank you 💛
The repetitions in this poem drive the feelings of desperation very well, as well as the word play, using the same words in alternating usages.
To me, it gives the sense of how we try saying the same things in different ways, just trying to find the perfect way to convey how we’re feeling, something I can relate to a lot.
Also, ‘the ways the loves before me turned meadows into battlefields’ is a really good line!
Thank you!
you SPENT well
on this poem
Thank you!
I feel exhausted after reading this, very emotional, well done!
Thank you!
The form really adds to your emotion! I felt that frustration and exhaustion with you.
Thank you 💛
Sounds like you’re giving it your all. I hope it’s worth it.
Thank you, it is worth it, every long relationship has its tough times, and we’re all wounded in our own ways.
So much to think on here! Love this line: “to let joy in/that hating yourself doesn’t make you a better man”
Thank you!
But I bring no sword, just a dollar’s worth of hope.
Says it all.
💛 a difficult one, but an important one, for me to have written