State of the Garden (Dizain)
The hummingbirds have stayed away this year
the feeder fouled with crust, suspended ants,
hollyhocks a cleaner vein of nectar.
Beyond the raised garden bed, weeds extant
climbing things, saplings, leafy random plants
flourish, only the back fence to contain
their frenetic impulse to reach, attain
supremacy over this little patch.
It’s with great sadness and no little pain
I surrender — Mother has won this match.
17 thoughts on "State of the Garden (Dizain)"
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Form and function !
Out of the gate hot and cooking.
I was gonna say which line was my favorite but…well ya know.
This poem overperforms! Jammed packed with meaning. A hot bouillon cube of poetry.
Thanks for the heads up, so true, my daughter just gave me a hummingbird feeder. Is it too late this year?
I don’t think it is — mine is just foul. Need to be better about changing the formula!
Wonderful, Bill! I don’t think I’ve ever read a dizain before, so now you’ve inspired me (maybe) to try one. The rhyme scheme is delightful.
Thanks, Kevin. The rhyme scheme is nuts: one ten-line stanza, and with each line having ten syllables (that’s an even hundred in total). The rhyme scheme for a dizain is ABABBCCDCD.
Echoing Kevin. I was unfamiliar with the form until now. I may have to try one before this Lexpomo is done, Excellent, Bill!
I particularly love the phrasing “a cleaner vein of nectar.”
I’m on the side of the wild climbing things
This poem’s voice captured me from the first line. And you used the form so very well.
Great form and tone. Mother has won this match.
Love the imagery of the suspended ants, personified plants battling for domination. Very relatable, and a new form I want to learn about. Thanks!
I feel the climb-y things crawling up–so visceral. I love this! And I, too, am curious to try this form.
I was unfamiliar with this form as well. I think you have sparked a new rash of poems in that vein (or at least the trying of lol) – There is so much movement and energy in the poem as well as beautiful details. I always enjoy your work.
I love the tension between the rhythm of the piece and the wild subject matter!
What are the requirements for this form?
Hi Tom, one ten-line stanza, each line ten beats. 100 total.
The rhyme scheme is … ABABBCCDCD.