tw: sexual assault mention

I still remember that night you invited me to sleep in the same bed as you

For years I beat myself up over being too scared to do it

I imagined how you would kiss me

Gentle, tender love

Fueled my delusions with more of the same

Believing the lie that you loved me

Repeated by you so frequently that I had no reason not to trust you

The reality of the situation hit me like a brick six years after

If I would’ve opened that door, you would’ve hurt me

I can see it so clearly, playing on repeat

I see myself opening the door to a dim room illuminated by a single lamp

You look up from your phone, your smirk looks like a villain in a kid’s movie

It’s obvious

Everyone knows you’re leading the lamb to slaughter

Except the lamb, of course

I move the blankets back so that I can get into the bed

Willingly taking part in my own destruction

Hands exploring places no one had ever touched

I never was able to tell you no

You were never able to see my discomfort

You fall asleep with your arm wrapped around my waist

I lay there

Wide-eyed

Wide awake

And I would wish I never opened that door