How do I explain to my wife
how my daughter explained to me
how to miss someone?

That my daughter,
seventeen months old,
fourteen teeth,
hair not yet cut,
walking only last month,
one word more than one syllable,
(cookie)
explained to me a concept that,
until now,
I thought myself incapable of comprehending?

In second grade,
or maybe first,
I graduated from the type of summer church camp
where your grandparents stay with you for the week,
to the type you go to alone.

36 hours into the camp,
I did finally stop crying.

I honestly can’t recall much from that camp
other than that coming home
wasn’t an option.
As was made clear to me on the camp phone.

I settled in,
admittedly did have a good time,
and never asked my parents to reassure me again.

Since then, I venture solo
as any good eldest child should.
No one told me what middle school would be like,
how to take a job interview,
how to buy a house.

I just do it.
I go where I need to go,
do what I need to do, and
never look back.

At first my wife didn’t understand
why I couldn’t understand
why I should miss her.

But over time, I explained it well.
It’s just who I am.
I’m not a sentimental type.

Just a few months ago, in fact,
I was away on business for a week or so.
Going where I needed to go,
doing what I needed to do.
Explaining to my wife over video call that it wasn’t anything personal that I didn’t miss her.
When the camera turned to my daughter in only a diaper,
sitting on the chair we cut the legs off of
so that she could climb up into it and look out the window,
eating a small piece torn off a generic brand Eggo waffle.

I glanced down at the generic hotel waffle on my plate,
swallowed,
(not the waffle)
and missed her.