i wish it didn’t hurt as much i wish i could 

        hide
     my pain i wish i didn’t know so much 
 i wish 
 
i wish the blade were sharp enough i wish
it would slice out my tongue
         so 
that i could hold it
 
i wish i could hold my tongue i want to
     suffer
        gracefully or at least be left some dignity 
i wish 
 
i wish you’d never know 
     such pain but then i thought you did
         endure 
but that would mean you would
know
  
       could you know and still
          hurt me
but then that means 
     no
    you couldn’t 
you wouldn’t 
          you do
that means that 
 
 
i am insane with knowing 
madness of not