I keep a list of the lost in my phone
I look at it sometimes when I feel alone
Just some folks who remind me of home
I think of all the places we’ve gone
All the places we’ve roamed, planes and trains and boats that we’ve boarded
Knowing that it wasn’t where we were or where we were going,
But that the journey was more important
But who knew that it would be this short-lived?
Who knew that the last time I saw you,
Would be the last time I saw
You
And I feel like I owe you all an apology
Because I can feel you watching me
And I know you’re proud of me
But I’m not gon hold y’all, this grief? This hurt?
Feels like sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool
And I’m running out of room to let any air
Out or in and I’m
Literally waiting in my skin for
Someone or something to do me in
Maybe a chance to begin again or
To be another name that people use in
Past tense
And every day yet and still I’m convinced
That this grief I feel
Isn’t permanent
And that instead of people potentially Adding me to
Their list
I’m reminded of all of the reasons
That I still continue to
Exist