Once I was young

I felt a little bit like I had arrived
I’d felt like that before
But this was
as grown as I’d ever imagined
I enjoyed depression
and Radiohead
and The Cure
This must be what it’s like I thought
I’ll do things differently, I figured
And I won’t end up like that.
‘I am not my parents’ felt
like a hail mary

I imagine

For me,
like Beauty

But I’d see a person of that age today
and I’d think,
they still have their baby fat.

The velvetted deer are jumping in the meadow

what a dear, sweet child

I think this new crop
may still have that hope

-and so many
my age made
some decision against that-

incredibly naive, shapeless blobs
Perfectly Blobby

Some figure
I’m no good at the wheel
My shit is dry
I hit the floor too much
I know a way
You can become fresh clay

Because the thing about people is
they learn
just by blindly moving forward

It is called awakening
to realize that you are making
a crucial decision
and that the whole thing
isnt fucked
If you reduce it all to dust, pick the bits out and re work it
Well it’s true
A lot can go wrong
But there is always
a decision to try again
I think that thinking like that is
A TRUE WISDOM
and
when I listen to songs
from those years,
Francoise Hardy’s Je Ne Suis La Pour Personne
or wave of mutilation
I feel young
And lots of feelings
actually change your brain
So I can be young again
for longer anyway
and a bit more comfortable
Be a bit blobby and naive
Dream bigger

Well then
it’s okay to make mistakes
or at least be kind and encouraging
to that Self
Who thinks that probably
they will change, at least
into the being they want to be

It’s a practice of being centered

I actually gave up on the wheel
Or rather
Printmaking,
Video,
Not Living in Fear, was calling me
obviously about six zillion other things as well

But here we are again!

Back on the wheel!

We’re only

Mostly dead, not All dead