On these nights
Oh what I’d give to resort
Back to the whoas of then

Awaiting your return home
After another too late night
But knowing
you’d come home to me

Those moments
were cycled with fears
That this time maybe you wouldn’t…

Either bc your drunk ass had wrapped your car around a tree,
Or bc you found someone better than me

I feared it… night by night 
But in my heart,
I knew you’d make it home to me

Even through my anger, jealous and worry 
I knew I had your heart in a capacity
that mattered

And now here I sit.
On my front porch.
A new front porch.
One flooded with activity and influx of too many, too loud boasting vehicles with something to prove.

The star filled skies that illuminated my soul
and organic sounds of the night that scared me
just enough
to allow me to feel at home among the wild…

Gone.

There I was…
Safe somehow.

But still afraid.
When you made it home to me,
You’d be among the wild;

Unpredictable.
But mine.

Categorized into one animal or another,
But still mine.
In a place I thought was home

Now here I sit amongst the lights
and unsolicited noises.
So loudly, reminding me
of what was stolen 
Not loud enough
to deafen my thoughts
But loud enough
to clutter my mind and spirit

Reminding me of once upon a time
In a world of dreams,
where everything I could ever have desired and loved
will only be just within reach
Within grasp,
so obtainably unobtainable
That
You’d feel it’s liveliness drip all over,
as if a parched plant received its first droplet of water 

just when death felt near

And the perfect balance of
sun and shade
allowed for growth…

Only 
for the rain to cease.
And.
A season of drought to overtake,
While the sun stolen by an unforeseen, indefinite, clouded sky

Now. Here I sit.

Believing

I’ve heard the sound of your SUV
driving by again to “check on me…”
so you can pin me;
trying to make me the villain instead.

So you can keep your false hero title
But I’d take it… another drive by

Even knowing

This time …

I may be broken deeper than those surface wounds and unspeakable heartache…
Oh,
I’d still take it.

And knowing that still lives within me… 
Creates an inner hate I’ve never known

Please.

Please, let me see the sky of stars,
Within sight of my home.

Don’t let this new,
unrequested home steal the peace
of the wild forever.

These nights…These thoughts are relentless.