Unconditional
Twelve years old,
Asked a question:
“Dad, what would you do if I was gay?”
“I’d kill you.
That’s sick.
I’d disown you.”
The death of trust isn’t silent.
It sounds like tension and tires
rolling toward home.
But it lives behind the eyelids,
waiting for closing time,
every single night.
Now alone in confusion,
brace for the years ahead, kid.
2 thoughts on "Unconditional"
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Wow, it’s so impressive how you captured the feeling you experienced in that moment. Hope your confusion is eased now. And happy pride 🙂
Thank you for reading!
It’s a memory I’ve sat with for twenty years now.
Hearing a parent tell you there are grounds in which they might kill you is just one of the many things that contributed to a pattern of social-isolation, low self-esteem, and general depression growing up. You get older, you sift through the memories, and some situations seem like you can’t just bring them up for resolution, not even so much out of fear, but rather you just know that would be like taking the pin out of a grenade and destroying a portion of your sense of family forever.
I will say though, my life has become RICH and FULL of so many wonderful people who genuinely want me here and enjoy sharing time with me.
Family has no correlation to blood. Family is a willed choice, always.
Happy Pride!