How is it that every new challenge invites every past visceral fear and frustration
To interrupt my determination to center and problem solve
With a loud bash that causes my mind to crash?

Seems I can’t resist wiggling my various worries
My nerves are like that tooth hanging on
With just enough tissue to stay put (sort of)
And just enough looseness to make everything hard to swallow:

A fun excursion interrupted by explosions of fearful and hateful words.
An expected modification accompanied by the expected tight-rope walking.
A tedious work responsibility to wrap the year up. (sort of… A teacher’s work is never done…)
Parenting a man – balancing my responsibility for helping him grow responsibility
Trying (but often failing) to trust his responsibility to ease or at least recognize mine .
Every new surprise fences me in with
A million giant financial obligations with a million giant question marks. (hyperbole)

$?$?$?$?$?$?:'($?$?$?$?$?$?

I try to force calm to open the gate, but jam my finger in the process.
Curses and complaints roll too easily off my tongue
And I roll in another round of regret;
I squirm in my sincere sorries swallowed by
The monotony of my mistakes.

My candle gift flickers to shine a light on 10-year-old humor
“Teacher’s Last Nerve – oh look it’s on fire!”
Never more true until the chuckling diffuses the trauma bomb a bit
To allow deep breath, focused mind, and work toward resolution
Of the latest punches still bruising the surface of my psyche.