**Trigger Warning: Miscarriage, Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth

“In my deepest wound I saw your glory, and it dazzled me.”
– St. Augustine

They had given me an epidural
But the pain was still excruciating

I couldn’t tell if it was mental or physical
But I felt it in every fiber

I let out low moans
And heavy sobs

It was the day I birthed death

The lifeless babe eventually came
But the placenta did not

Hands were inside and outside my body
They pushed and pulled violently

With my head shoved against the headboard
I begged, “Dear God, make it stop”

Dead baby in bassinet to my left
Sobbing husband in chair to my right

“Dear God, make it stop”
It didn’t

Some grace-filled voice finally broke through:
“Let’s give her ‘something’ and take her back for a D&C”

The last thing I remember was someone strapping down my arms, cruciform

It was a moment of intimacy
Like I had never known

Someone understood this pain
He had taken it with Him to Golgotha

It was the day He birthed life from death

Brighter than sunbeams
His glory danced all around

The pain didn’t stop
But it was being pierced

The One who transformed death into victory
Was stitching the darkness with brilliant light

I was thrown into the abyss
And there, I found Him

I reached out to touch His wounds

“My Lord and my God!”