Why would you write about a dead dog, Teresa? What the actual hell. Haven’t you noticed?People love dogs. They don’t wan’t to read about a dead dog. You are trying to be “profound”, but you are coming across as an ass. Give it up. Quit trying to make people feel things. If you consider yourself a “poet” (yeah, right!), then write about things like castles and flowers and mysterious men. Leave the damn dogs alone, Teresa! Is that too much to ask? Or are you going to insist on writing poem after mother fucking poem about some dead dog? Give it up, for Christ’s sake! Dead dog. Might as well write about some mother losing her baby. I can’t get over it. Please, I’m begging you–stop writing about dead dogs!

Wait. What? Your dog died? Your dog? He died? Shit. Wait. Hey. I take back everything I said, okay? I’m sorry. I had no idea. I’m sorry, Teresa. You know how I love your poetry. Please keep writing–that’s a great way to get it all out. I’m sorry. How about we go have drinks? My treat. I will pay. Let’s get wasted, girl! First, I need to swing by the pet store though–I’m out of dog food for little Petey. You don’t mind, do you?