Winter number thirty-one chewed me up

I called my mother, asked her how it felt

asked her if I too was becoming dust

just lint left behind on a suede chair when-

When I watched Jennifer’s Body, I fear

I related to the monster more, eating

to feel beautiful, taking big bites to

not hurt, but leaving them all bleeding out-

Outside ladies from the church flag me down

tell me they’ve missed me for all these long years

It’s always at Save-a-lot, I swallow

my secrets, small town, good husband, sweet girl-

Girl who was a slut for so long, I’m not sure

that anyone believes me, their eyes locked

up just like the church at night, October

rain beating our snare drum backs just after-

After the car crunched up pop-can like in

the hill it sat on, where Jesus peaked from

wooden frame, eyes on me so carefully

until the morning came so I could flee-

Flee some friends, I’ve soaked their hugs in too long

then cut them off as soon as they stumbled

from a pedestal so high that no man

could ever reach it, I knew that beneath-

Beneath the bitch I conjured was church girl,

highlighter in hand, eyes lingering on

the pretty girl at bible camp, her hair

swaying, soft curtain, across my arm, it-

It was easy to disguise when his gloss

coated eyes cast down did the very same

I always felt like I was comprised of

more pieces than everyone else seemed to-

To be scattered pebbles, no one discerns

which ones among the bank do not belong

So, I’ve laid out by the creek, mud coated,

skin pending, algae slick, ‘til I come clean-

Clean like an agate shined, displayed for all,

no longer petrified, afraid of the fall