“I’ll need you to send me a short bio, ya know so we can show we are competent.”

Great…

That implies competence is in fact….
Well, a fact.

 

Okay… 

Let me introduce myself… ah-hem.

 

Hello all,

My name is Mary.

I am nowhere close to what you’re expecting

In fact, I only have one year of “true” experience.

However, the experience I possess includes extreme proficiency in over analysis, panic attacks, over identifying with others, codependency, and underachievement.

I am innately passionate, in general,

And particularly in regard to the wellbeing of children.

Especially young girls, and to inspire them to grow in confidence.

Further more,

This passion comes from a place of insufficient confidence.

The skill set didn’t fully exist within me…

So, umm, yes I’m here to make sure

I can bring that out in your kid…

Other unique attributes I possess, including perpetually being 5-10 minutes late, (Despite preparation or effort):

  1. Incessant worry that the everyone is disappointed in me and a constant knowing that I’m failing everyone around me
  2. A lack of actual soccer career (I was a quitter bc of an eating disorder, obsession with boys and stronger desire to smoke weed)
  3. Success in most any form has been an absolute struggle for me most of my life.
  4. My daughter literally has zero respect for me… despite being one of the kindest souls I’ve known. And yes. She is on this team.
  5. Umm… I’m broke. Single mom, social worker income doesn’t invoke the most glorifying life. Oh. And I’ll mention this when I’m feeling ashamed due to some sort of failure, but also, don’t want to acknowledge it.
  6. I’ve endured, what I consider, some of the most absolutely traumatic instances imaginable 4 months ago, 16 months ago and 20 months ago… then I feel immensely guilty for portraying a victim, knowing others have been through even worse. So. Shut. Up. Mary.
  7. It appears, despite literally sacrificing every part of myself and my life, I’m fucking up completely as a parent.
  8. Oh yeah, I’m 36. Divorced. Single mom. Social worker, now supervisor (hilarious honestly).
  9. I possess excellent skills that allow me to start multiple projects, generate ideas that positively influence others and… then. Typically. Never. Follow. Through. Or complete. Anything.
  10. I pour so much of my soul and emotion into things that I care deeply about, such as coaching and the development of young female athletes, that I often lose myself in the process, identifying and over attaching their outcomes to my own value.
  11. I actually don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. There’s value in honesty right…?
  12. Let’ssssss go kick some ass!!!! (Oh. I won’t cuss AT your girls, but they’ll probably hear me say a cuss word or two this season.

 

So. I am looking forward to an amazing season. And I am so grateful to have the opportunity to lead your daughters on and off the field.

I promise to instill in them the courage to …

Not

Be

Me