You’ve Started Wearing Cologne Again
Caroline Herrera blends with your pheromones
and I inhale the intermingled scent of you,
like smoke signals rising from a ridge
across the great valley of grief I reside in,
and I inhale the intermingled scent of you.
Desire I had forgotten, a hummingbird hovering
above this great valley of grief I reside in,
my brother and sister sliding down the ravine.
Desire I had forgotten, a hummingbird hovering
in the trees. Your eyes gentle when you look at me.
My brother and sister sliding down the ravine,
grabbing at branches, still saved from the abyss
by the trees. Your eyes gentle when you look at me—
I’ve scheduled genetic testing. The sudden shift
grabbing at branches, still saved from the abyss
in my family history, has raised the crows.
In this sudden shift, I’ve scheduled genetic testing.
Caroline Herrera blends with your pheromones.
My family history has raised the crows
like smoke signals rising from a distant ridge.
29 thoughts on "You’ve Started Wearing Cologne Again"
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Powerful lines:
and I inhale the intermingled scent of you
above this great valley of grief I reside in.
in the trees, your eyes so gentle when you look at me.
I’ve scheduled genetic testing.
Thanks, Pam! I hope my corrected version came through.
This is such a powerful piece. The use of form and line shift and build so smoothly and carefully. I admire its art, love the imagery in “like smoke signals rising from a ridge/across the great valley of grief I reside in”
I messed up the first iteration, so here’s the corrected version. Hope you like it even better~
It’s a stirring piece! Upon reading this version, I do like it as much if not more: The lines and form have that building effect that gives great impact.
Wow! ❤
This is very satisfying to read, with how the form and lines come so completely together. Bravo!
Thank you for reading and commenting, Philip! I’m surprised by how many mistakes in form I keep finding. Hope I have it now!
I find that the “You have fifteen minutes to edit this” prompt is a weirdly effective highlighter.
🙂 🙂
Love the form and the weaving of words and senses! You create a wonderful geography of family!
Thank you, Sylvia. I hope I can stop editing it so I can go take a shower! 🙂
These repeating forms are daunting to write (at least to me) but so rewarding to read when done well, as this is. Yummy.
Thanks, Kevin! My brain’s in a fog, so I kept messing up the form. Hopefully, I’ve got it now.
This is so beautiful and moving.
Thank you, Leah!
What a haunting poem. The form really works for it. Bravo!
Grazie, Karen!
This is so beautifully done, Ellen. The aroma draws me in and then there is the beautiful use of the form and the way the matter-of-fact statements are complemented by their emotional impact.
Hugs from me.
Thanks for reading, Nancy–and for the gracious comment!
A pantoum!
Accurate!
We should be able to edit our replies, too. 🙂 I love writing in form, and this is one of my favorites.
remarkable how you
work each stanza’s haunting images
into the emotional impact
that the pantoum delivers
Thanks for reading and commenting, Jim.
Remarkable.
🙂 Thank you, Samar! I hope I can get back into posting & reading after the Sundress break!
I always love the shuffle and tumble of this form, but wow, how you land it! And “raised the crows” is such an image.
Thanks, Roberta! Finally, a keeper!