I came across a video
of those two boys singing together
on stage knowing that
they killed themselves
and I wonder
if they knew that it was coming
like a train from a long distance
if they did know
how did they keep on going
knowing it’d all catch up
19.6.25 (Pale)
One would think
after being burned so easily
far too often
I would have become
an expert by now
on applying protection
It’s that time of year again.
Motherhood has blossomed.
I watch as the girls I once knew
Grow.
Thier stomachs and smiles widening.
I watch them embrace their femininity.
Finding purpose in the form of a pregnancy test.
I do not judge them.
In a way I envy them.
Starting a family so early is a blessing.
But when they ask me when Im going to start trying
I shrug unkowingly.
My anxiety gets the best of me.
How do I know Im ready?
Clickity clack claws,
long-gloved snow white paws
following heels.
Daisy Blue Dawn,
Chi-hua-hua girl,
sweet southern pupper pal.
Dial ‘N’ Deal treasure
discovered deep in the holler.
Diamond in the ruff.
Loneliness
coils
and writhes
in the pit of my stomach,
slithers up my spine
and
constricts my heart.
It’s that thing
that you obsess about
all day long,
try to get
or get to
or get back to.
It’s what you chase,
what you daydream about,
what you’re jonesing for,
what you will beg, borrow, or steal for.
It’s where you’re headed when you
clock out at 5.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s
a dollar
a drug
a drink
a person
a bite
an orgasm
a store
the next episode of that show on Netflix
the next chapter of the book
you are reading
or writing,
we all have something
that’s our first thought when we start the day
and our last thought when we close our eyes at night.
That thing that is killing us or
keeping us alive
or both.
What’s your fix?
the collared hills are spilling mist.
the clouds rise like chimney spit.
creek’s up, and up here’s where
my ancestors died of cholera.
Mom says it can kill you quick,
and we laugh because it looks like
our late line lost their lives
over something stupid—
dirty hands and dirty drink,
how’s that for humble beginnings?
Watch the sparrows in their morning frenzy.
One, the size of an apricot, chases its plum-
small brethren. They chirrup, and,
uncoupling, the humidity presses. One sparrow
bounces from dumpster to the skeletal tree.
It’s a carnival and flurry; your cigarette
radiates a heat, cherry close to your fingers.
Fleeting, as most everything is fleeting.
The bulb in the lamp
Above my bed was broken.
And without even thinking,
I reached into the socket.
My hands touched the wires,
Voltage flowed through my fingers.
A small pop and then a yelp,
As pain went down my body.
Is this how it feels
To be electrocuted?
Or have I reached the age where
It hurts to change the lightbulbs?
