Posts for July 1, 2019

She lays on the hard cold bathroom floor, eyes open, examining the intricate vintage tile work that once made them fall in love with their home.
She flashes back to when it began and how it was lost. The first time she felt his embrace, the last time she kissed his beautiful face.
He once said he never knew home until he had her. That her love was his saving grace, all the meanwhile the demons begged him to take another taste.
Her love was a force unlike most, but it couldn’t save him. She knew the truth. Right when it went dark, but fighting for the ones she loves is the best part of her heart.
She was not the heroin of his tale. Her love couldn’t be drawn into a needle or injected directly into his veins.
She suited up for battle like a soldier of love. Her armor was well thought out and researched with love. Her sword was sharp, her hopes were high. She was prepared to fight for her love.
She had no clue of the beast she was up against. Faced with the depths of hell and fury she fought like the warrior goddess princess she was.
Battered beaten and bruised she wiped the blood from her head and tried to compose an another strategy.
Right at that moment the beast delivered it’s final fatal blow. Instantly her love fell to the ground and took his last breath.
The beast that haunted him for so long finally won.
She dropped to her knees and let out an agonizing blood-curdling scream. In that moment, she was faced with the true reality that she was not the heroine of his tale.

Today I will try
to move past the brokenness,
to forgive myself.

I will try a fast
from maudlin thoughts, from searching.
I will be here, now.

I have let you down.
Pretended to be joyful.
I have been so lost. 

The essence of you
was hidden from me, and now-
Illuminated.

Still tethered to my dreams 
We’re you alone before ?
I guess I never thought of you that way 
No one notices the negative space around life 
I never did,  anyhow. 
What have you got from me
that I can’t leave without ?
That weird boom of isolated thunder last night ?
I told you I loved you there, 
And in A Roar from high up near & far
You can’t hear it. Just know it happens 
And it’s for you. 

If you can trust me 
I will keep this 
I’ll tend to this like you would 
Tend to a fire thats keeping you alive 
Like a fire that’s putting a signal off into the hills.
Though I didn’t know it at the time, 
I am at the center of the world ,
one of the special places.
There’s no limit to
what I want 
And take. 
A circle of starts hang overhead 
Your sense of dread is so finely tuned 
That I could laugh until I cry
What a relief to find you’re like me 
Your jokes were so clear
that they seemed to come from the future
Finding the ghosts in things 
You lean over,stroke the roof of my mouth 
My mind ticks into oblivion 
My blood buzzing now and then 
A chain link of good,  dark memories 
I’ll tell you that I love you
Every day if I want to 
I’ll intone the phrase in my own mind 
Finding new and more meaningful ways 
Each time 
Just try and stop me.

We carried our poetry in our arms, outside
in the summer sun, where they watched heat
and alternate rain. The month drove on
and our poems thrived in the daylight
and glistened under the waxing and waning,
the equinox. If it could always be like this,
our hidden market, where instead of the everyday
tasks of selling and buying, we could continue
our trade, swapping stories and snapshots
like family members, our anonymous reunion.

He bellowed through the garden
At the Countess Maurinais;
He heckled Henri Martin
As I strolled conif’rous way.
I heard him in the forest,
Though the mill creek struck him dumb;
The tulipfera highest,
Could not escape his awful hum.
His monologic discourse
Cross’d the ornamental pines;
I fled his mutt’rings hoarse
Among the restaurant’s fine wines.
At last I stopp’d in lilacs
Through ancient cherries having stirred:
For all his cursed rackets,
I knew I had not caught a word.
I thought he’d said “modernity,”
Or “planning that’s done wrong;”
He said in actuality:
“All this, it is already gone.”

Everyone
is telling me he is a good guy
but
I thought he was the bad guy

the good guys and the bad guys
Who is Who?

The heat did me in.
I barely made it 80 minutes this year.
I am no longer the pride festival warrior
I used to be,
going strong from start
’til the last song played.
The trick is not to touch
air conditioning
until the end of the night
or else the heat and the exhaustion
will catch up with you.
And then you’re done.
Rocking out all day
eithet not getting sunburned somehow
or not caring.
Squeezing every last drop of joy
out of the day.
Always driving home with
new music and new memories
to get me through the year.
I used to hit Louisville, Cinci, and Newport
as well as Lex.
A month long celebration.
This year?
80 minutes.
I have got to become 
like those firewalkers
or ones who sleep on a bed of nails,
able to endure such conditions
as if it is nothing. 
I miss those days too much. 
If I can endure the pain 
of the closet(s) for 364,
I can endure the heat for a day
of being myself.