Posts for June 14, 2021 (page 2)

They’re not yet married – but dating, probably
the July before their November nuptials. She knew

him from the skating rink and, once she found
he worked at the Mobil station down Main Street

from the Liberty, she and Lurlene would saunter by
to say hello after a show or she’d take Daddy’s Jeep,

pick up Lurl & Dollie, or maybe ask Judy Carol or Ann,
go get gas. Flirt. They’d smile at each other, chat quietly.

He’d be nice to the passengers. They’d talk about skating
or going to a show soon. Last week, they made plans to meet

up at the park that Friday for the fair. He came from work
in his white shirt sleeves, slightly wrinkled from the work day,

good black gabardine slacks still holding a nice crease & cuff,
comfortable black loafers – fresh shave & haircut from earlier

in the week. She paired a plain, starched white cotton blouse,
collar up, with navy & pink plaid shorts just above the knee –

added sensible navy espadrilles and a simple gold chain bracelet
her sisters gave her for high school graduation. They decided

they needed a good picture together. They choose the pastoral
backdrop – light blue & white of a perfect late summer sky

over a landscape of muted greens & browns of the Appalachians –
two stark leafless trees frame them. They lean into each other. Always

the gentleman, he crosses his legs, left over right – relaxes
his right forearm on the knee and lets the hand hang loose.

His right hand hidden behind her, supported on the bench. She touches
his leg with her right hand; her left, fingers splayed, on her left knee as if

to show the photographer exactly where that little diamond would go
in a few months. Young love – it shows in their sparkling eyes looking

forward – directly at the camera. Both break a smile as if they know
what lies ahead – all the houses, three boys, all the sports, activities, family

vacations, the grandchildren, not to mention the great grandchildren, everyone
they will come to love (and who will love them) in their almost 64 years together.

P — Pamala, not Pamela is the name my mother gave me, from a book she read. But I didn’t know that until 19 years after I was born.
A — Almost found out about it when I changed schools when I was 9. Teacher called for all us new students to stand (I hated stuff like this): Puh-mah-la she said twice,  Didn’t know it was my name and stayed in my seat. Caused a whispering of why I didn’t know my name.  
M — Moved around a lot between kin because Mama lost me lots when she caressed the White Dog. She became lost to me for 12 years.  
E — Erased: my left-handed letters when I was 7. Maybe ‘a’ disappeared when Teacher didn’t know my ‘a’s from my ‘e’s. Don’t think being left-handed or spelling a name different was ok back then.                           
(A — Anyway, sent off for my birth certificate so I could get my driver’s license when I turned 19. Found out I was Pamala  not Pamela. Shocked me, a little change like that.)  
L – Left Virginia on a Greyhound Bus for South Carolina when I saved enough money to find Mama. Didn’t know which was my aunt and which was my mama when I got there…lost the shape of her. It was when she touched me I remembered her. Later I asked why ‘a’ instead of ‘e’?  
A —  Altered that first ‘e’ to an ‘a’, Mama said, from the book name. To make it different. To make it yours. 

For some reason, the ducks
aren’t happy today. The quacking
is unnerving, and they’ve all but
worn a path across the yard.

It’s raining, the pond is nicely
scummed over, and Brood X
has begun to emerge. What
more can they want?

tall grass above.
on my back at dusk.
no clouds on this brisk
November evening,
only deep blue darkening.

they shuffle
through thick brush.
“He’s over there,”
i hear.

each breath of crisp air
cold in my lungs, leaves
my lips in a warm fog.
in my throat the
thumping pulse.

it occurs to me.
all of it.
eyes close.
open again.
still the seed heads dance
before the dimming sky.
still the earth beneath.

to lay here without
regret, swimming in
the owl’s song,
as ants begin to crawl
up an open shirt sleeve.
i gave it all. to know it
is a gift.

“It went through the deer
before it hit him?”

roll me on my side,
four grown men cry
like they, too, had seen god,

“easy now, no exit wound?”

unbelievable the hollow
point did not explode, did not
leave me, lodged warm
below the spleen.

“look Jim, you can feel it
on his back, just below the skin!”

i wasn’t angry.
it was an accident.
another sequence
of bizarre events.

in the ambulance
the paramedic sighed,
“fella we thought we’d lost
you for a second,
you went pale white.
sounds like that buck
saved your life.”

          Night walk, slivered moon,          
             neighborhood smelling        
          of sun, fresh mowed grass

With every new first-floor window
I open, the more eloquent my cat
becomes, making her plea for release
from house arrest.

I’ve tried a harness and leash,
tried to figure out how to close
Eastern Avenue to idiots, I’m at wit’s
end (’twas a short walk.)

I try to claim it’s for her, not me,
we’re used to each other, she has lots
of windows, knows where its warm
or cool to sleep.

We’re bonded, we’re companions,
but if I love her, should I set her free?

Asked if she’d say more

Looking, directly up, at what is
The epicenter of all that I know
Lays a sky of the darkest blue

Tracing it down to the horizon—-
A light blue like that of daylight,
A dimmed orange like a stray ember

& concluding with a haze of rouge;
I marvel at the singular star
Parallel with the crescent moon

Tearing up, I realize the reality
That it is truly a plane
& that the sky is empty of stars,

Tonight

I answered my phone
without looking down
and heard my voice say
I would be in town

I heard myself ask
would I be home when
I arrived later
at nine perhaps ten

My stuttered reply
was anxious and high
I simply said yes
without knowing why

I checked the I.D.
it was my number
How did I call me
I sat and wondered

At nine on the dot
to my wild surprise
I was on the porch
as I had advised

I looked just like me
even dressed the same
I didn’t bother
to ask me my name

I waved my left hand
and I waved my right
I and I both smiled
but our grins were tight

What is it I want
I thought in my head
as I looked at I
I heard what I said

I climbed up the steps
I shook in greeting
I stared at myself
I and I meeting

Before I could speak
I spoke up quickly
I needed a drink
I felt quite sickly

As I stepped past I
to pour the liquor
I knew right away
I should be quicker

I snarled and I bit
I gnashed and I tore
within a moment
I was I no more

on these grounds
barefeet once bled into soil plowed
by torn Black hands
the whistling of hemp
in the darkness of night
an anthem in the Black
this Black harth was once swept
by soot stained hands
who never tasted the sweetness of freedom

today a jogger
feet pounding
heart racing
music blaring
races along side the ghost
of a Black man self emancipating
to the promised land
and she doesn’t even notice his cry
as her Black nikes tear into the soil
where his blood once
soaked into the Black earth