Posts for June 8, 2022 (page 12)

today would have marked 
our eighth 
anniversary.
I have been without him,  
nearly as long as
he had me. 

when I left him
four years ago,
my hopes were to finally achieve 
freedom,
peace.

I made a grand escape,
you know.

I have since come to understand 
that we are 
fused.
he is a monkey on my back,
his claws will never 
let me go.

he still visits me while I sleep. 
some nights, 
if I am lucky, 
he is even kind 
and we are in love.
I know that I am dreaming; 
my reality is that he is 
a walking nightmare.

I left him 
1,335 days ago.

the worst is over 
I assure myself, 
because it is true. 
his horrors are 
behind me. 

they are also 
in front of me, 
beside me, 
shrouding me.
I still look for him 
in the shadows of my 
home. 

trauma replaces every love letter 
I never got.

the years have been 
so long, 
and I am weary. 
traveling this road 
has never been 
easy, 
but I have paved the way myself. 

I will keep crawling along, 
and I hope that 
some day, 
I can reach a destination 
that is not a 
haunted house. 

Working on myself is like cleaning a room I let go for too long.

Every pile brings more shame.
How did I let it get this bad?

But every inch of floor I uncover brings relief.
we I forgot that I could feel this free.

Are you the Deceptor ?

“The rejecter”?

Lying All Day

To get by

To get what I need

Eye need
A Lot

And I’ll get it
But return in kind
A bright eye

A
D-light
To have a round

The fire
Spins a tale
Spins a yarn

Chops in the Under
Ground Temple of Sight
Searching
Excavating
Decepting what can be and could be
Maybe should be

They spin stories and I try to keep up with their

Eyemagination

I in kind attempt to be humble and quiet

Ready for all the curve balls

Who’s ready?

It is a minature;
     inside you see the tree,
         so short hundreds of years
             of pushing through a canopy.

                                           Take a seed;
falling through the branches
in a storm, a wind, fall
down, a bouncing
limb by limb
to rest

from the drop
from blue scattered above it
to the green settled dampness
to the brown clay luscious below it.

                       Suppose its sentence
                is to bloom forth & grow
       & make a family of infant trees
not seen these parts while camping.

Ah!

                  –       For our new home, 2022 

(Man Enters, Stage Right)

a stranger in a strange land
of carpets needing washed,
walls begging paint,
local spirits whispering

             hello…

wicker at my back, metal beneath
aching arms, a chair, a seat, left for me
in an otherwise empty shed,

                                                    my eyes peer
over the edge, the landscape:  Grey wood—
so much room, so much space
to paint in all the colors
of intent;

A yard, bare of flowers, but asking where
they’ve gone, where I wish them
to return. 

I waft smoke and magick, a flourish
room to room, space to liminal

                      space.

Here, there be possibilities.
Here, there be renewal.

Hear—the hot, scratchy, silent, but
bellowing breath of dragons
blowing across a naked deck,

                                                      saying, asking, 

Welcome, Druid.  Welcome, Family.
   What kingdom have you come
                     to build? 

For as long as I can remember
I’ve worn glasses, big and small
it’s a wonder I didn’t grow weary of them
after cleaning them for the umpteenth time
or hearing that god awful pop 
of the nose bridge breaking, again
or always bringing another pair
in a case just in case
on holiday, like a spare tire

and I suppose I should be grateful 
to see the fine details
in a person’s smile
in a cloud shape
but it’s only a half-sight
and there are days I wish this weren’t so
I want to see the world
with eyes unblurred by fate

LET’s

FUCKING

DANCE

A stream, as though painted by Van Gogh, flows in front of a meadow 

We sit and we prattle, in each other’s thoughts we dabble,
I’d rather stay than travel, by the brook while it babbles 

I end up in smite, at the sight of the night,
bright filled with light, as fireflies take flight