Fateful Day
My mind stays busy,
but slow tears freckle my hands.
My body recalls.
but slow tears freckle my hands.
My body recalls.
A year later
and the door doesn’t shut
as easily as it used to
we tried taking it apart to fix the frame
but it turns out it’s made of styrofoam
and two pieces of plastic
if we’d known just how fragile it was
we probably would’ve been gentler
every time we slammed or kicked
trying to seal our air in here
and that air out there
She asked, “are you fine, sister in Jesus Christ?
“Are you down by the river bank picking dandelions?”
With a shaking hand, I asked you to be my friend
But you just laughed and looked at the sky
Take a drag of cigarette, well up all your regrets
Blow your smoke in my mouth just to clear your head
I sat in your garage, trapped in a hazy mirage
Only by three I was tired and slept in your old Dodge
words spilled out like marmalade
as we sat and talked under a setting sun
it was casual to say the words
like something of everyday life
to say them like i was not something different
to say that my heartbeat,
that my stomach bloated with butterflies
when she was around
as I told them it was about a her
they leaned into the table
to figure out her name
who was my heart’s desire?
who was my sweet delight?
i spilled her name out like the marmalade
leaning in, as we sat and talked
about her under the setting sun
The thought of being a stranger to everyone was mildly soothing.
Not a soul would know
Who I am
Or what I’ve been through
Or what I’ve done.
So, I packed up all of my things and left.
I changed my number
And I set out for a new life
In a new town
With new spaces
And new crowds.
Months later and I realized
I still have to live with
Who I am
And what I’ve been through
And what I’ve done.
Leaving didn’t change the things I have been so desperately running from my whole life.
rapunzel, rapunzel, don’t let down your hair.
it’s so messy and tattered—
how can you go out this way?
these tangles and knots
put disgrace on us.
be a good girl,
jeda veyi.
rapunzel, rapunzel,
how will you escape
if you do not let down your hair?
rapunzel, rapunzel,
who will come visit you,
not even the evil witch,
if you do not let down your hair?
rapunzel, rapunzel,
look out the window
at the bird who crashes
into his reflection,
crazed and harrowed.
rapunzel, rapunzel,
the real world is outside.
you’d never know the difference
if the the pictures in books lied.
rapunzel, rapunzel,
the voices in your head
you hear when you read
are all just projections
of the person you see
in your mirror, rapunzel
in your book, and window,
would you notice a difference
switching lives with the bird?
The bird has more freedom—
he’s on the other side
of this window between you
and the rest of mankind.
rapunzel, rapunzel
not a real human you’ve ever touched.
all you can imagine
is what you’ve read in the books you love so much.
rapunzel, rapunzel,
you don’t know
that the ones you love so much
left you here all alone.
they kept you from fun,
they kept you from play.
all you can do is watch
or don’t! either way, here you’ll stay.
rapunzel, rapunzel
you don’t know that
you can break this window
easily with
the force of your fist.
you, go girl!
go, girl power!
rapunzel, rapunzel,
after the window breaks, what then?
will you fall to your death
and meet your end?
rapunzel, rapunzel,
even atoms have distance between them,
and they don’t complain, or cause a nuisance.
rapunzel, rapunzel,
is it really that bad?
those books are lies!
you don’t need any of that.
rapunzel, rapunzel,
friends are not real.
if they were, look around you,
wouldn’t they be here?
rapunzel, rapunzel,
look inside your heart
the feeling you feel there
is love—don’t try to pick it apart.
rapunzel, rapunzel,
who else, believe me,
is there to help you?
no one, that’s who.
this rape i give you?
it’s all you need, too.
Let us raise high the mint
overtaking our flowerbeds
and toast our neighborhood icons:
Cheers to you, red brick cottage abutting the Baptist church!
May the six plastic, pre-pandemic Halloween skeletons crawling up your chimney never fall
and the whole geodes lining your sidewalk never crack open.
Cheers to you, white ranch across the street!
May your flamingo mailbox withstand all future storms of wind or rain or ice
and the flock ever find nourishment in the gravel beneath your windows.
And cheers to you, gray bungalow down the block!
May the two life-sized, cherry-red concrete pigs on your front porch step never fade
and remind us all to guard the individual inside.
Cheers!
