Paradox
my mind
is too empty to think
my soul
far too full
to let my mind be empty
Even in times of imbalance and aggravation,
When defeat and doubt congest your spirit,
Loosen the phlegm of self-doubt
With this appreciation compilation:
Once a toddler stretching out your chubby thumb-comfort for a friend,
Now a generous man, still attuned and responsive to a friend in need.
Once a preschooler helping fill mop buckets and reveling in books,
Now a man of intelligence and humility, still dedicated to good work with no need to announce it.
Once a tween giggling over farts and introducing yourself with gross poop stories,
Now a man who embraces humor, still not afraid to be the butt of your own jokes.
Once a big brother bravely supporting your sister when they were scared or nervous,
Now a responsible and loyal man, still meeting and exceeding obligations and expectations.
From the time you were born, pride pumped through the chambers my heart
And as you’ve grown on to toddler and preschooler, tween and brother and man
I’ve grown a bit more in awe of your silly, sweet, impressive self with every year
May you never question for long your unique blend of gifts to humanity.
Love, Mommy
Your body faces indictment
It could stand accused
of failing you as your
arm numbs
jaw locks
mind floats
away without the aid of illegal drugs
These are facts
unaltered facts
which grand juries of doctors and techs consider
They will render their judgment
And the brain that processed
good grades
first loves
bad breaks
last chances
could be deemed a clinical criminal
crying is healthy
when you’re in the dark of a plane
sobbing silently
you don’t have your family
just a screen that doesn’t even work with the wifi
crying isn’t healthy
especially when you do it every 5 minutes
the popcorn machine
kitchen table card covered
thankful to be here
quiet as a choice
quiet as a new
thought I’d be against
you, thought I’d be good
this time I’m really
ready to reveal
the realer, better
person inside me
I speak to the brick
walled off from you all,
divine revela-
tion delivered to
you, thank you for your
patience against my
self-made masonry
shoot-em-up brick wall
One at a time
I can face my many
and varied personalities,
recognize even, the uses
I have for each of them
from the shy quiet introvert
to the strong willed intellectual,
the insightful wise woman
or the compassionate artist…
so many perspectives and opinions
all encompassed in some form
within my overactive brain
But when they all walk in
to the room together
in the physical forms of my daughters
and I am forced to confront these
aspects of myself outside my own
mind, suddenly, I’m not sure who I am.
KW 6/5/23
