Posts for June 11, 2023 (page 10)

I have grown.
inward and outward,
taller and bolder.
I’ve shrunk myself and sucked in all the inches of my body that I can’t seem to change.
I’m hungry and full.
My starving temple stuffing itself with my own religion.
don’t eat till noon.
dont eat till you pray.
dont eat till you get your housework done.
what started as a 16 hour fast turned into a 24
that turned into a broken week of starving  hours. 
im always hungry.
but not hungry enough to truly change.
I tell myself I don’t want it enough,
and everytime my stomach growls its empty encouragement 
I say out loud,
don’t worry, I’m only fasting. 

I feel like I am always mourning.

Breathe in
Smells like summer
Honeysuckle and warmth
Kentucky perfection it is 
Breath out

Bitter orange kiss – rind and all –
Artichoke funk tinged with chocolate.
Taking small sips as I sit solely in socks and skivvies, 
Red wine weather has passed.

1oz London dry gin
1oz sweet vermouth
1oz Campari 
Add to shaker w/ ice & stir
Strain into rocks glass over fresh ice
Garnish w/ orange peel

Her color catches you first–
blushing pink surrounded
by louder, redder sorts–
your early girls, your better boys–
a wall flower at the dance. 

Our Rose needs no dressing up.
Her shy sweetness with an edge 
of sass plays well with just a sprinkle
of salt. She’s not to proud to tuck
into a sandwich, play second fiddle. 

But you won’t want her to.
Once she’s seduced you, you’ll pay
her proper respect, arrange her
on your prettiest plate, break out
your finest olive oil. 

While she lasts, you’ll keep coming
back to her. With her veil-fine skin,
her weight heavy in your hand, you’ll
feel the languid warmth of July nights,
the laziness of August days. 

Dear Andrew,

         I wish you would have written to me sooner. I appreciate you reaching out to me nonetheless. I know how confused you are and how out of control things must seem at the moment. But don’t you remember when you were late for your baseball game and didn’t get to start but hit a home run when you were out in? You won’t feel this way forever and this challenging time will pass. It’s an opportunity and a privilege when you lose yourself to find yourself again. Your journey to do so will be rewarding in its own way. You’ll just have to accept that part about your life. But it’s your life and that will make it special. And if you ever don’t feel special, know you’re special to me. If other people or you, yourself don’t see or understand that, just know they or you will recognize it eventually. It’s very rare to figure anything out and even more rare to put it all together at once. My experience has been slowing down and appreciating every little victory really helps. I hope to hear from you soon again, good or bad news please let me know how you’re doing. 

                                                     Love, your Aunt,                                                                

                                                                 Stacy

if I knew the algorithms 
that were in place
to make you and me

if I knew the equations
that were executed
that I broke my soul
to know you
to see you
to breathe
you

I’d show the world
so they could feel
the red electric burst
when your hips move

all of us
deserve
this kind of love