There will be a four private plane pileup over Pocatello Killing fourteen percent of the Democratic contestants (you tragically think this is tragic)  Conspiracy theorists will wonder how it was that the ones who should already be dead and those who are secretly already dead Survived while those “pretty and witty and gay’ ended up as undercooked hamburger strewn across the potato fields of Idaho.  Al will fly in for the eulogy, saying “We will put their carbon in a lockbox”  a reference nobody gets but becomes the phrase historians quote when examining this dark period

You will again fail to create a verb for social justice warrioring almost causing embarrassment when, during your kid’s career day at school Billie, forgetting it was Tuesday, tears his dress as she climbs halfway on his desk shouting “Ima Justice League of America” waving her arms around until he almost HITS somebody Some children trembled, one almost cried  Luckily Billie was sent to the Principal’s Office where she was harvested for his organs 

You will become so distraught about how much your country sucks that you will travel almost all the way to Lexington to listen to someone with a real accent tell you all the difficulties she had sneaking in.  You want to give her money but she won’t need any You give it to someone else who says they will help but they will buy a bottle of wine instead, causing yet another divorce

All the Bond Chicks will be cast as gross old fat men like me, finalizing the MeToo Movement in much the same way you saved the polar ice caps from melting  (Oh!  James!)

In a miracle of serendipitous beauty, Elizabeth’s reconstructive surguries (due to what you thought was a tragic plane crash) include little Billie’s eyebrows.  They somehow give her new face a pert, sardonic look that appears to be exciting voters while also quadrupling her Native American heritage  NPR’s ancient analysts croak that “This may be Bernie’s Waterloo”  a reference nobody gets since history got cancelled