Arboretum Run, June 2023
My gray cap drips.
Sunscreen congeals
in my neck creases.
I hide in the shadow
of a looming poplar.
Leaves’ susseration
shushes my pride.
Ten years ago, another
sweaty run in these trees.
The last day you didn’t
think about cancer.
The sunshine sickly.
Even this, you stain.
8 thoughts on "Arboretum Run, June 2023"
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Powerful. In the last line, does “you” equal cancer? If so, it might work better to address cancer directly earlier in the poem. If not, I’m really not clear who “you” is.
It’s a great point. I’ve written this in fits and starts over the course of the day and it’s a little disjointed as a result. Thanks for the feedback
Each stanza offers a different feeling and perspective. At poem’s outset, I could feel the grease of congealed sunscreen intermingled with grease. You create beautiful imagery and music in the second stanza by coupling “susurration” and “shush,” and your last stanza brings the poem to a solemn, powerful conclusion. Very well done!
Thanks so much for reading and for your kind words!
The opening line of the second stanza is masterful. The aliteration sounds incredible, it creates some really nice imagery, and it conveys the speaker’s vulnerability and emotional pain.
Thanks very much! I went to a Marianne Worthington reading and she used “susseration” in a poem and I’ve been looking for a place where it made sense and worked onomatopoeically.
This was poignant. I’ve seen you in these Arboretum runs — always focused and in good form, just like this poem. Well done.
Thanks very much!