Things are so different now

I watch the steam rise from my shower water

I think of painting purple walls

Honestly it’s hard for me to even write about

Because I know you’ll never see it

I dream of you less now

My voice rarely whispers your name

Jess

I wonder how you are

If she’s with you

I wonder if you still write about me

The point in my arm is sore

It radiates up my arm when I think of you too long

I push myself closer and closer to the edge

On your name

Jess

On my fear of falling all over again

It pulsates now

As I write

Yet another poem for you

I stare blankly into the mirror

As questions bounce in my head like pinballs

I repeat lines of my own poems

My skin sheds again and again

As if to prove a point

You’re no longer here

And yet you continue to stake your claim

And I fear, like I did then

That I’ll never be able to say no to you

Jess