DisaPOEMment
I technically didn’t miss a day,
But my revision was exactly at midnight.
Erasing what was June 10th and making it June 11th.
Why did I have to change that word?
It’s poetry— you can make up the rules and the spellings.
I set a goal to make a poem post daily,
and I failed.
Defeated at its finest.
I’m trying to not beat myself up,
But, I mean, who are our own worst critics?
I should’ve written earlier in the day.
I shouldn’t have spent so much time revamping my website to prepare for a relaunch;
reclaiming my space,
and retroactively placing my company at year seven after a four year gap.
I know it sounds ridiculous that I’m crying over spilled poem milk.
I also know there’s no prize for submitting every single day.
I actually missed the first two days of the challenge,
But that wasn’t as bad because I hadn’t started.
I had my heart set on breaking my streak from last year,
And sharing my works for 27 days straight.
The disappointment I feel for disappointing myself is enough to walk away completely.
10 thoughts on "DisaPOEMment"
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Love this very creative, angst-ridden title!
Noooooooo, don’t walk away!
Besides you know you wrote the poem on the 10th. That counts!
Thank you so much for the encouragement! I’m not going anywhere. 🙂 This is just how I felt at the moment.
Please don’t go! I understand your disappointment. But this poem, from title to ending period is quite creative. “I’m crying over spilled poem milk.” is a divine line! I just wrote a Tanka about this thing. . . about missing a deadline or missing out or not being “given the credit” for showing up just because you were late. Maybe you should look it at it like this– you may have missed the worm but surely you were the 2nd mouse that got the cheese! Honestly, I am so glad to have read this poem. For me, it felt serendipitous because of what I submitted today. I feel like I won the prize for reading this poem. So, thank you for that!
Thank you so much! I feel much better today and less pressured to live up to a rigid expectation I set for myself. I do feel like I’m still getting the “cheese” because encouragement from readers like yourself is the reward, not just writing the poem. If you felt like you won by reading it, then I certainly feel like I won from your kind words. I loved your tanka and even wrote one in response!
Mmmm, metrics versus the soul’s reason for metrics. Such a big theme in industrialized societies. The title is lovely to capture this. I don’t believe in metrics myself; performativity is such an ableist racist construct designed to commodify and judge what the body naturally does and to capture and colonize the labor one either naturally does or that is forced upon a body. I find it sometimes takes fulltime disability to deconstruct performance. There are lots of good reasons for revision and for leaving things alone, and there are lots of good reasons to wait to do things. This poem also evokes the myth of laziness, which is a psychic and biological impossibility. The body and soul are always extant and imminent and evolving. There is no lazy. There is simply being and doing when the bodymind has each type of energy. It only takes one degenerative disease and an understanding of METs and ATP to displace that myth for good.
Thank you for speaking to this in a world where so many people still believe, live, and die by these myths.
Thank you for such a thoughtful response. I hadn’t considered all of those connections, but I appreciate you sharing your perspective. One of my favorite things about poetry is seeing how readers find meanings and themes I may not have consciously intended.
I know your disappointment is immeasureable and your day is ruined, but tomorrow is another day. Please continue to write as often as you can, lexpomo or no lexpomo. You can still beat your streak, if that’s your goal. Also I hope you enjoy your writing, I have and I know others have too.
Yes, thank you for the reminder! Tomorrow—or rather, today—feels much more promising. I love writing because it gives us space to capture a moment. Then, when that moment is over, we can turn the page and begin a new one.
Please hang in there, Kiah! A lot of folks in here don’t post daily, so you’ve got plenty of company. You do you. Just don’t bail on us, please. We need you.
Kevin, thank you. I’m still here. I appreciate your encouragement and engagement! I miss seeing you and Jay around at the station. I hope all is well!