this was it.
the day I turn the big 16.

I genuinely never thought I’d make it past, at most, 14.
2 years later.
can I take another 2 years?
I sit there pondering the answer to my previous question 2 days ago
when I was a kid I’d play with barbies,
pretending I was 15 years old.
and now I’m past that age.

I was planning that this be my last day,
expecting to feel nothing the second the clock stricks 12.
just like every birthday.
but now its different.
my mind rings with the number 16,
like adding a number
added to my freedoms.
but it was only when I heard that sound,
read that message,
I realised the time had come where I become closer to myself.
and when I got that text,

12:01AM,
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY I LOVE U SO SO MUCH”

how strange.
too strange.
I’m invisible, remember?

12:09AM,
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY”
“HAVE A AMAZING BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY”

thats not right.
that doesnt make sense.
no one cares abut me, right?

12:10AM,
“omg happy birthday”

I’m not even close with you.
why would u want to get too close to me?
I’m just a fucking germ.

I know I dont deserve it,
but holy shit I want it so bad.
I’ve wanted it for as far away the stars are.

I may change my mind,
but my greed for love is simply overwhelming.
when part of it is satisfied,
the stars collide.

I will continue being hard on myself. 
So I’m breaking things down.
no more 2 days,
start with 2 months,
then 2 months,
then 2 months.

instead of 24 months,
it will feel like 12.
may still be a lot,
but I’m curious too see
what life will become.
I guess curiousity saved the cat.

and so did the people I thought would ruin it.
I said if they didnt text me I’d do it.
and they text me within a minute.
I’m so confused.
But I won’t question how I get the things I want.
I’ll let my greed consume me,
it might make me hate myself more,
but at least it extends my deadline