An introvert’s paradise.
No need to explain
why I didn’t want to go.

No guilt about skipping church.

Daily Happy Hour with Andy
-Statistics and hope
Cheers!
 
Weekly hikes, in the wilderness,
with the dogs.

Monthly, well planned trips to the
grocery.
Full carts, one way aisles, six feet apart.
Masked up.
Trying to smile with my eyes.

Elaborate home cooked feasts.

Many, many quiet evening at home.

We were happy, content.
And he was faithful.

i love you

wasn’t what was said; instead,

you feel good to my nervous system

and that meant more to me

Try as you might to claim yourself as a lost cause,
a corrupt soul, redeemable only by way of miracle or divine intervention.

Glints of virtue reflect off your tightly polished shield,
perceptible to any that look beyond your
meticulously crafted performance.

You are not some vicious, twisted horror,
for why would a monster agonise over his own nature?

And isn’t long hair a woman’s pride and joy?  For it has been given to her as a covering. – 1 Corinthians 11:15

we’ve had a complicated relationship
i’ve been called unprofessional for not having my crazy, curly mop up to society’s standards
and that’s without having the added stigma of race or origin

so while i stumbled accidentally into doing my bucket list no-cut-for-a-year (which thankfully, ended June 1), it was fun while it lasted
in that – pink or blue striped hair, wear a concert tee or combat boots with my suit to work because i’m fifty and have zero effs left to give – sort of way

but somehow, women i know telling me that my hair looks great – FINALLY
rubbed me the wrong way
even more than men i don’t know telling me i’d be pretty if only i’d smile, wear a dress, wear makeup, have longer hair

when all i wanted was to be shorn

I could write about cicadas.
“Seventeen-year brood, who are so loud—”

Nah, that’s cliché.

So I think that I will not
Today.

At sunrise, the fog
rolls off the rain-soaked hillside.
Deer, robins, rabbits
shed their ghostly grey shadows
and slip on their morning coats.

I ordered a watch
yesterday, it was placed in my mailbox
interesting, the timing
     see what I did there…haha
the day was a marker
an anniversary no longer celebrated
yet a reminder, always
     the watch was a practical purchase
          to be used for work, exercise, casual activities
               the day to day monotonies
which are ironically, when life truly occurs
the everyday joys and moments of peace
     I have proven to myself
I can manage, and manage well
left to my own devices, tools, people
the watch is just that
     a device
yet much more
a reminder that time allows me to change
move forward, wilt and bloom anew

Long ago I stopped a friend
from smudging
a love letter with her greasy hands.
She chuckled. Now
I allow the elbows
of the peach sweater 
my grandmother knit

to unravel.
Anna Karenina acknowledged
the wedding china chipping after the first year
and Maggie Verver valued the golden bowl
for its crack.

Poets ad
Ore a mann
Equinn, a form
To 
Rest the dress
You made on
*
Draping the fabric
Let your hands push firm the pins
And see how it falls
*
The scissors shine like diamonds 
Little cuts make little sense
Slice it rather into pieces 
Trim it down until you wince

When you finally find the statement
Stand far back, see what you’ve made
Then consider what you might have done
If you were not afraid

If another never knowing
Who you were could see this tomb
Would they find the cavern empty
Or you sitting in the room?

Open wide the brain that builds it
Loosen up the bonds that bind
Arrange the words like draping
Let a reader roam your mind

*or*

There once was a girl from Kentucky
Who considered herself pretty plucky
She loved the absurds
Caused chaos with words
And it made her laugh, isn’t that lucky!

No timidity
allowed. You can’t hem and haw
at the edge or dwell
on that foaming maw below
gnashing rocks for teeth. Just leap.