for the past
some-odd years
i have lived
in a world
full of
of “no”.
i say it
i live it
i breathe it.
i am it.

i’ve always been
so keenly
and strongly
aware
of my mortality.
and everyone else’s
even more.

for the past
some-odd years
i’ve teetered
right on that edge.
the
last 
death
blow.
the last two
death
saving
throws.

i’d really love to have
somewhere else
to place the blame.

but
we don’t say,
“no” here.
instead, try
“yes, and…”