At 2:00, I was driving home after she went outside
For a smoke break, but she didn’t come back,
My almost star.
Threw a few darts as if that might make a pro, just because
I saw her throwing one or two
She her friend was there for the first time and now I think
I should have commented more meaningfully on that.
But instead she left, after I thought I had started well,
Now this night has become something of a tragedy, but at least
I can keep drinking when I get home
At 2:00.

At 2:30, I was laying in bed trying to get some thoughts from my head
Except my mind was swimming and it was driving me insane
With any number of things stuck on the tip of my fingers
While the pen twitched in wastefulness.
Tomorrow would start bad too,
All this alcohol would surely ground me
Making me hate myself in the morning.
So giving up on it all, I crawl into my comfortable,
If lonely, bed, all the while thinking
Of my almost star
At 2:30.

I slept and then I woke up the morning after
Surprisingly fine and I thought what small blessings
Coming through to make me feel slightly better about being alone
My almost star
Probably with someone else while I have no one to wake up to
Oh well, woe is me
Today is a new day and tomorrow comes after that
And if need be there will be days beyond that
When something will finally go right
When life will begin.

So I took a shower
Checked my phone
Checked my email
Checked my Facebook
And learned.

At 2:00 A few hundred miles away
A nightmare began
Where fifty stars winked out of existence
Never to know this morning
The today that I put my hope in
Nor the tomorrow I look to
Nor any day that follows

How dare I pity myself!
So I spent a night alone, big deal
I am a man, but while I
Wallowed in my self-loathing
This country that gives me so many blessings,
Our fifty stars,
Came under attack
By the greatest extremes of hate.
How dare any of us pity ourselves!
How dare any of us hate each other!

This will sadly not be the last time.
This attack will happen again
In another place, another club
So remember, please remember
Whoever we are and whatever we believe,
Americans have died and more still will
So find something to take pride in
Man or woman, talent or passion
LGBTQ or animal rights, take pride and remember
That we are still one.
That the fifty stars who give us the right to that pride
Needs us now more than ever.