Abe Lincoln in a rainbow
jumpsuit playing Richard Simmons’

Harriet Tubman as a pilot
of her own airplane

Thomas Jefferson as a freedom fighter
Thomas Paine as a faith healer

Nancy & Ronald Reagan 
as a friendly couple
of druggies

Walt Whitman as a hedge
fund manager

George W. Bush as a Rhodes Scholar 

Martin Luther King Jr. as a mime

Christopher Columbus as a scared boy
with the courage to admit

he’s lost