Ami
Am i
Am I intriguing enough?
Am I saying something?
Holding meaning that will provoke your thoughts into depths
never experienced or explored
before
and mundane.
Am I saying everything just the same
as everyone else
My thoughts don’t seem that way
My words can’t seem to articulate
or maybe they do…
The role of disappointment
Disappointed.
Now what? What do I have left to say?
What could be important enough that your eyes
follow the words on this page?
Everything played out as if
Ami.
It’s all a presentation, illuminating the darkness;
even so for measurement of success…
How uniquely and full of weight may
I convey
even my darkest of darkness?
That’s how I will measure
Then. search for comments
I search for meaning how you see me,
see myself
wow
what
a
cluster
fuck
what a load of irony
and catch 22s
and damned if you do’s…
I cling to the page
whether there’s an audience or not.
I just find the worth and your approval
Even though they’re my thoughts,
my words,
my feelings
and my experiences somehow,
I still want you to be the judge
To tell me it’s good enough…
How… I articulate it is worthy of your praises
recognition
and glorification maybe even.
Or do we just glorify our assessment of;
as well just as much?
Dear God, no wonder I can’t sleep.
(Echos of mocking laughter)
6 thoughts on "Ami"
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It is worthy and good enough. And I get the self doubt. Also I don’t know about others but I certainly can feel this way.
But maybe the interesting thing about this is, and this is something I need to remember as well, is that the poem (whether good enough or not — though likely as here it is good enough) is not us. The poem-object is not the you person. It is just a momentary expression from that person. Think of it as a used car. Or a daffodil. Recognize the impermanence and ephemerality and keep going. Do not stop.
I hope you take this with the sincere kindness with which it is meant. Wishing you the best. I’ll keep reading.
Thank you Jon. For being relatable. And for the separation; defining oneself by their art, or work or x, y, z does not denote our worth as beings. <3
You are, in terms of physics, a unique feature in the universe–only you can walk the path through spacetime you choose (since no two objects can share a path or position). This makes your voice unique in all the history of Everything and, therefore, precious indeed. Nice writing, Mary.
Laura, your words made me tear up. Thank you for this truth and the perspective in which you present it.
I like the rawness of this poem. It really serves as an exploration of the struggle of self-expression, the desire for validation, and the complexities of the creative process, very nicely done.
Boom. Nailed it. Thank you 🙂