Hoo-ee, that really was a long day wasn’t it! (yawn) It’s nearly midnight!
Time to get ready for bed, doesn’t that sound all lovely and relaxing?
Yes? I thought so. I know I’m ready for some shut eye.

Now, let’s get you all tucked in. Did you floss? Take your vitamins? Skin care? Soft PJs? Cat and dog nestled comfortably (or more likely, uncomfortably) on/ under your legs? How’s the temperature?  Maybe just a degree or two cooler on the AC? I thought so. There, I adjusted it for you.

Feeling good?  Cozy? Relaxed?
Ready for lights out?  
Perfect.  

Now, close your eyes and fall asleep.
Just… fallllll asleep.
It’s easy, just…… falllllllllllll….. asleeeeeeeeeeep…………. 
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You’re not asleep.
Why are your eyes still open?  

Oh, that coyote scream you heard, that gunshot?
Ignore that. The zoning board just approved the new data center plan.  

Those headlines? The government is now doing what to who?
Nothing you can do about it right now. I told you to put your phone down.

Your neighbor that went to pick their child up from school and never came back? Disappeared to a dungeon in Louisiana, or Texas, or Guatemala?
Ignore that too. Go to sleep.

The test results your Dad is waiting on?  That persistent pain he’s had?
Put that away. I told you, he won’t hear back from the doctor for at least another week.  

Oh, and those bills you can’t quite pay yet, deal with that tomorrow. Remember, only half a tank of gas while these prices are so high. Remember, Olivia needs new shoes for soccer. Remember to get dog food. Remember to get tuna to bribe the cat to let you trim her claws before she destroys another patch of carpet. Stop fidgeting, she’s trying to cuddle up to your feet.   So, you didn’t fold the laundry again, so what. And the dishes will wait too.   You’ll be 50 in a year or two, isn’t that a kick?  What?  You think it’s strange how quickly life is flying be?  That you’ve only just now gotten started and it’s already the second half?  You’re wondering if you’ll make it to 80, 90, and what might await you there?  And the kids?  Will they be OK? And Lisa and her wife?  And Rajan and their partner?   I guess you’re probably menopausing right now, huh?  Six months since your last period. Weird. Remember to keep a tampon in your purse just in case. Wonder if you need HRT? Was that a hot flash the other day?  Is that why your hips hurt so much in the morning?  You were 12 when you got your first period, remember that camping trip?   Maria is afraid she’s pregnant and doesn’t know what to do.  Might have to take her out of the state for help.  You’ll have to figure out where to go that might be safe. Of course you’ll help, of course you’ll keep volunteering.  As a matter of fact, you ought to be volunteering more. Check your pantry tomorrow for another food donation, check on Mrs. Jeffries down the street, her son is still in prison and he shouldn’t be. He’s still recovering from the officer’s beating. Check on Ben, he doesn’t have insurance anymore.  

Just stop thinking about it all right now, you’re supposed to be sleeping, dummy. 

Oh- and whatever you do, don’t be late for work again.  Do you even know what time it is? You shouldn’t be up this late. You need this job. What would you do without this paycheck? Lose the house for sure. You spent the savings to get this far, and now there’s nothing extra to put away. 

So go to sleep! Don’t you know that persistent lack of sleep can lead to all sorts of serious health problems?! I’m talking stroke and heart attack.  Oh- and did you know that the symptoms of heart attacks in women are often really hard to identify?  Like you could be having one and not even know it? Isn’t that a crazy thing?  

So go to sleep.
I said,  GO TO SLEEP.             
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I can tell you’re just pretending.  
Oh, and by the way, it’s your nephew’s birthday tomorrow and you forgot to send a card.