Today I actually looked at you

Not the parts within

Because I’ve always seen how ugly that is

But the thinness of your lips

A small mole that dots the underside of your lower lip

The grayish tan bags hanging fat and loose under your blue eyes

But blue that is somehow muddied

Encircled by lighting bolts of red veins

Probably from all the weed

Your face is hollow but somehow still full

And your face is always cast down

Maybe that’s your internalized shame materializing itself into your physical realm or your lack of appreciation for self because you know how much of a low life you are?

But you are not attractive

And I don’t like you, I actually can’t stand you 

Your hands are rough against my knee

But not calloused

Full of unwanted and unsatisfactory friction

You smell like my mouthwash that you quickly spat out 

Because you thought you were going to kiss me

I hope that mouthwash burnt your tongue because of your assumption

I’m so glad that every time I am near you I bore easily

Because it makes me realize how much I never actually wanted you

Because I actually love myself so fucking much

That I would never subject myself to dangers that are you

The lack of consideration that makes your character 

Your blatant inability to emote and simply care 

I’m in this life with me for as long as she is with me

And that does not and will never include you again