never had i seen him
look so beautiful and
so alive

his beard was trimmed
to precision- not one wayward
hair dared peek from his 
sculpted salt and peppered
mustache

he wore sunglasses that day 
and if there is one thing i do
know- it is that he rarely allowed
anyone to see beyond
his shades 

right now i realize
i don’t even know
the shades of colors in his eyes
nor do i know the touch of 
his hand in mine

not once did i ever get
that close to him

it was only on that day
that i ever kissed his cheek
one kiss- i allowed myself
to get so close to him that 
my tears dampened 
his now hollowed chest

i looked and i looked
closer and closer i got
i think i tried to memorize
his face

i searched his cheekbones 
looking for my own 
i scanned his forehead
and found its size to be 
scarily similar to mine

the shape of his 
ears and his nose- 
there it was again

as clear as day- my face 
i found the origins of my face
in his corpse and 
i wondered about
his heart and i wished 
i had been strong enough
to unbreak it

but on that day 
he looked at peace
he looked as if he had let
it all go and somehow
i realized that i had done
the same

i am convinced that the space
between us closed on that day
and now i am simply a daughter
who loves and misses
her dad