The first one was not so much a check list 
but a suggestion of thoughts that might
consume me.  My therapist said: 
read through these and see if any 
of them describe how you feel.  
So I did.  Then she started telling me 
about books I could read on grief 
and how to walk the tight rope of 
remembering all the dead people you’ve
ever known and all the living people you 
know will die without looking like the 
sad girl at parties.  I am still falling off 
regularly but getting better.  Now I have a
new list with a big bold title that screams 
14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
when you look at it for too long so make 
sure just to read it and not to try so hard
to understand.