I used to be one of
those people 
who clapped when the plane landed 
before it became 
socially unacceptable
I never let myself fall asleep
while the wheels were up in the air 
because if I let myself focus on something 
other than conversation or a movie
I started thinking about all the ways the plane could crash
all the possibilities for death
who I would try to save
how I would save myself
so I clapped when we landed because 
we were still alive 
and I could finally take a nap