these bones are tired 
        the kind of tired sleep doesn’t fix

it must be hard living every day like that

    harder than let on
legs  heavy, unmoving 
    living in slow motion

                                    tired, 
                                        so tired

    under my breast
on my ribcage 
    stabbing pain

    a knife of a life
i could have lived 
    instead

    there are easy days
breathing feels like
    privilege 

    but the heavy days
soundwaves
    bounce corner to corner

    thoughts
unfiltered & screaming
    in my mind 

    terror
where unconditional love
    should live

                        then…
                                    contentment 
                                                        just contentment

    heart is full
yet unable to be grateful 
    unable to bask in the sunlight 

    i am jealous  
of other timelines 
    where i am able to feel 

    unaltered, abundant
levels of joy 
    even on heavy days