Humans shall make no rules
Respecting dog’s right to worship their toys
Or abridging their freedom to communicate
As often or as loudly as they want  

A well regulated dog being necessary
To the happiness of all
The right of dog  to bear and keep Squeaky toys shall not be infringed  

No dog, shall in time of peace, or
Any time really, be quartered in the house without its consent  

The right of dog to be secure in its dogness
Against unreasonable searches and seizures
Of its toys shall not be violated
No matter how reasonable human thinks the request  

Dog shall not be held to answer for a crime
That was not witnessed by human
Nor shall dog be compelled to be a witness Against itself
Nor shall dog be deprived of Toys without due process  

Dog shall enjoy the right to a speedy trial
For all matters, by a partial human
Deeply afffected by wagging tail and sad eyes  

In suits where the value of dog destroyed items
Exceeds twenty dollars, the right of dog
To look cute and get away with anything shall not be abridged  

Excessive petting is allowed, if dog approves  
But all punishment shall be considered
Cruel and unusual and is prohibited  

The enumeration of certain dog rights
Does not deny other rights retained by dog
Such as barking, scratching, rolling in stinky things, or squeaking toys at three a. m.

The powers not delegated to dog by this agreement
Are still reserved for the dog, who is the arbiter of all things