I never saw myself as a survivor.

I have never spent a second in the front,
no seasons slashing my hands in the harvest.

Pure laughter, pure joy.

Integrity. Family. Church.

Yet none of the socially
considered goodness could fight darkness.

Panic attacks.

What’s wrong with me?

Years walking backwards,
Love withdrawn by fear.

Ten years happened.
A supposed heart attack happened.
My body and my wounded heart had had enough.
                  That’s what happened.

Sigh, therapy.

Digging, crying, bleeding.



Thanks, Mom.
Thanks, Dad.
You did what your history
And your wounded inner child allowed you to.

Inadvertently your neglecting me
Gave me the two things
which helped me saved myself.  

Knowing that if it was to be done, it had to be done by me.
And if I ever was to found love, I would just have to look within.