You know the river I’m talking about.

The one you bathed in once before you knew better but now it seems daunting to dip a toe in it. 

I’ve felt that water drag me along so many times 

so I became a strong swimmer. 

I too have felt like I was throwing myself in there to drown

the only difference now is when I feel myself 
sinking 

I just call it a baptism
and let the water wash away all that has made me feel so heavy.