– I WANTED TO BRING YOU TO WHERE LOBSTER GETS FISHED (A CONFESSIONAL, TO COUNTERACT FEELING TOO SMART LIKE A.Z.) –
i wanted to bring you to the eastern coast because we have never tasted authentic just fished lobster before but i cant even imagine what meat that tastes like fruit tastes like that close to the ocean and why does ocean meat taste like fruit if its so far away from land especially our land that’s close to horses and our hometowns. did we ever talk about the things we liked to one another— we used to talk about sad music + how to make margaritas but instead i just drink alone and you have a kidney problem. why would meat so far away taste so much better than the food here? do we remember when i used to write poetry? we went to the lobster restaurant downtown and we kept it lowkey. we paid a day of your wages to eat three rolls of seafood. i paid an hour of work to let my car sit on concrete. we said “of course we want more” knowing we couldn’t afford it right then. do debits really equal credits? we cried when we ate Malone’s the first time. i went to bed that night thinking “does meat really taste that expensive? does expensive really taste like that?” if i could build a machine that turned past tense into present, we wouldn’t be that bad off. when i had my first one thousand in my checking account i thought about ways to buy fresh meat on the eastern coast. its funny the last time i saw the Atlantic was when the Iraq war happened and now im about to see it to make someone else feel better. who even remembers anything before 2016? when i showed you Anne Carson my stupid arrogance thought you wouldn’t get it. now her writing is something we’ve exhausted in conversations. sometimes im embarrassed to write and text like a painful mix between Elizabeth Bishop and DFW and Rupi Kaur. the only secret ive ever told anyone was over a Denny’s Grand Slam. between hashbrowns and my sad attempt to get drunk waitresses to poach my eggs was a lot of different failures. i cant even drive on Nicholasville Road anymore without mentally picturing someone get hit by a car. I ordered Filet Mignon. You ordered Lobster Mac n’ Cheese. We shared the World’s Greatest Dessert. We went home and became drunk off $10 Moscato. There is nothing shameful in that anymore. You’re a manager and I’m in the finance sector. I’m alright here and we can afford the lobster mac forever if we try a little harder.