“What number is this for you?”

She points to my swollen belly

I rub over the stretch marks

A timeline of the babies I bore

6th my soul whispers

3rd my mouth says

Lies and truth all the same

My broken body couldn’t bear them

Can other people see the secret shatter

Can they see the words searing through me

Detonating on impact,

A bomb that sets off

A chain reaction inside

My heart the blasted apart

Stained glass windows

Of a church in a war zone

Nobody knew them so nobody grieves them

Save for the parents who prayed to have them

Sometimes the grief evades me

But it waits until moments like these

Springs back up,

A tsunami of love, longing, regret, resentment

I wait upon the shore as the surge approches

Knowing my survival lies

In swimming through the swell