at a spring 
in sweltering Florida
people laughing 
in crystal clear water
I decided 
right then
that someday
I was going
to check out

another time
in the middle 
of another hot summer 
standing in line 
to pay for gas
in a car that
I was behind
on payments
that it might
be worth it
to go then

then later
working third shift
in a cooler 
stocking dairy products
I wanted to then

lately
I can feel it
on the edge
trying to seep through
and I’m so tired

let’s just hope
there’s always
just enough of me
left
to see behind
that warm
welcoming 
void