ETIQUETTE (a found poem)
(This poem was made by rearranging text from Family Receipts: the Household Guide or Domestic Cyclopedia, 1915 edition.)
A lady should not compromise her dignity.
Don’t wear evening dress in daytime.
A lady should gracefully raise her dress above the ankle with one hand.
To raise the dress with both hands is vulgar.
A lady does not seek attention from a gentleman.
Do not use paints or pastes for adorning the face.
A lady should avoid boisterous laughter, undue liveliness in public.
Never yawn or sigh aloud in company.
A lady never allows petty cares to plow lines across her face.
Do not do rough work while wearing a white apron.
A lady should not stand with her hands behind her.
Do not lean to one side in walking. It is not only ungraceful, but it is deforming.
A lady meeting a gentleman will make a medium bow – neither too decided nor too stiff.
Do not go along reading a book or newspaper.
A lady should be frank and cordial towards lady friends, never gushing.
Do not permit yourself to be absent-minded.
A lady does not form acquaintances on the street.
Don’t whistle in public places, nor inside of houses either.
A lady should have a chaperone, a person of mature years, never a giddy girl.
Retain your temper under all circumstances.
Fists beat upon window panes.
The mud is very deep.
If you have anything to say to a lady, proceed singly.
You can take leave at the end of the street.
15 thoughts on "ETIQUETTE (a found poem)"
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i agree with none of these except never having as a chaperone a giddy girl. Giddy girls are the best. : ) I wonder how many little girls still get this kind of instruction.
I put that one in just because I like the phrase “giddy girl.” 😊 This book is super fun; it also instructs you to feed your child a tablespoon of kerosene mixed with sugar as a remedy for croup. ❌ 🤢
Sure, kerosene cures a lot of ills. wtf.
Nice! That ending brings us back to reality.
This is tragic-comic! I laughed at “should be frank and cordial towards lady friends, never gushing.” (I am a gusher!) This is an incredible found poem.
(not a statement on your poem, which i liked)
but these would be fun printed on a ‘novelty’ toilet paper
for humorous bathroom reading.. 🙂
haha!
So much fun, great choice of first and last lines framing the first stanza
Now I say, I say, I say—ahem! I’d be willing to bet a man wrote this, or a woman penned this at gunpoint.
Indeed the mud is very deep. 💔
Incidentally, the way it flows is elegant.
Yes, indeed, “The mud is very deep.” Love it.
I’ve been doing it wrong in so many ways this whole time!
**laughs boisterously and runs away**
Me too! Makes me wanna be unduly lively. Don’t forget to lean to one side while you run away. 😉
The anti-whistling agenda surprised me the most, to be honest. This is a great read, and makes me so glad I was not trying to be a lady in 1915.
They’re not describing a lady, they’re describing a porcelain doll! Good job, Chelsie, A fine example of poem writing itself, which the best ones always do.