living, no not really
     only existing
i feel my life’s in vain
     because i exist out of compassion
     for other loved ones
          not wanting to cause greif
          that would ensue upon my death

so i will continue to exist
     but i’d rather live
     life because i want to
for me, rather than to prevent others’
     anguish, that i would feel
          if the roles were reversed 

existing simply to exist
     is  hard, not as hard as death,
but i ask, what’s the difference?