Searching for a reason to call
that never came
wanting to change the past
or forget what I’ve known.

We remember
it was never discussed again
you with your nickel plated Hercules double barrel shotgun
forcing confessions of infidelity.

You with your dual family
dual standards
ego centric view of reality.

Speeches of family first
whiskey drinking indoctrination before my first kiss
macho facade for all the world to see.

Designated driver when I was twelve
hauling your crew from bar to bar
doing what I was told.

PTSD arrives from many places
it hides in the recesses
rears it’s ugly head to slip away again.

The Hercules stood in the cabinet for years
holding the weight of the world
threatening to take control of your soul
to dispense our own.